insomnia

Well, I gotta have a thousand posts with that title – it happens. It happens a lot, actually. Nowadays, it hasn’t happened as much as it did when I was younger. Well… I used to stay up until 5 AM or something – it was easier to sleep at dawn – it is still easy. But since I started studying engineering, I also started waking up early, around 6 or 7 AM, and staying up until the sun started to shine wasn’t a good idea anymore. Well, I would have to grow up at some point in my life and it started when I was 25 and decided to become an engineer – ok, I decided before that, but that’s when the thing became true.

I sometimes find myself desperate, for I want to get done with and rid of it, I don’t know, yesterday. I keep joking about the time I am gonna be an engineer already – and rich. I am gonna be rich. That’s not why I decided to go to college again, but that’s what I am supposed to do with my life. I mean, that’s what everybody wants – or most people. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to have whatever you want without having to worry about money and stuff like that? It would. There’s also the part in which you look at the things you have and you know you got it with you own hard work.

Usually I wake up this early, because I went to bed even earlier and I have already slept my eight hours – it’s not what’s happened today. I have absolutely no idea why the hell I am up so soon. And, believe me, my bed is much more comfortable than the chair I am sited on. Since I have nothing to do, I started thinking of my life and my behaviour and the universe and everything else… I am happy – happy people were supposed to sleep well, I think. Ok, I know I don’t have everything in the place I wanted, but who does? And… the pursuit of it shouldn’t make me happy anyway? It does. It really does. So, I am gonna believe I had a little too much caffeine for the day and that’s the reason why I can’t sleep.

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2 thoughts on “insomnia

  1. I see what you mean. Being an engineer and a sufferer of insomnia I can only tell you it helped me a lot through college, but these days somehow the sleepless night come dissociated of the productivity of earlier days. I’m not sure what happened, maybe I’m just getting older.

    A word of advice: my years as an engineering undergrad were the best of my life (perhaps because I was young and careless), so don’t try to get rid of it too fast. I know there are high and low tides, but just try to enjoy it a bit more. It will make it all seem more relaxed (I hope).

    To wrap it up, I think having everything in the right place must bring such a boredom into your life that would make you think of suicide (like those Norwegians with a perfect life who still kill themselves. Not that Norway is a bad place, it is really beautiful). But I also think that the beauty of like is living in constant unbalance. I don’t believe stable happiness even exists, and the pursuit of it shouldn’t make us happy anyway. But I believe this life can have enough high tides to make good memories in the end.

    1. Well, I must agree that you are gettin’ older. I am – and that’s why sleeping so little is not handable anymore. At least, that’s what I feel.

      I am sure college are supposed to be the best years – and they were. It’s just that I am not 18 anymore: I am almost 30 and that makes college a little boring nowadays. It is not that I don’t enjoy it, it’s just that I would rather have an argument with my boss than discuss my grades with a stubborn professor.

      I don’t know if having everything in the right place would bring boredom, not if I like to have everyhting under control. Everybody knows I will never have everything under control, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to. So… I am pretty happy with the achieviment of some goals and with the possibility of achieving others. I just have the constant feeling that I should sleep more.

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