a very small reflection on my adult life

As I was coming home yesterday, this morning actually, I started thinking about my achievements at age 29. And I have to say that I am not pleased at all.

Since I was little I have been a somewhat independent creature. As soon as I learned how to walk I started going to my mom in the middle of the night so she could breast feed me, instead of crying and hoping she would wake up and give me all that delicious milk – at least I thought it was delicious back then. When I was a teenager I taught myself English and started a German course. At the age 19 I started teaching.

Ten years have passed since I found my first job and life could be awesome, but in fact it sucks. In 2008 I went to Germany and lived there for a year. I wanted to master the language I’ve studied here in Brazil and I also wanted to look for a possibility of staying there. Forever. I decided to come back to Brazil for many crazy reasons and sometimes I regret it.

At age 25 I started studying engineering. In Brazil we tend to believe that private institutions are not as good as the public ones. Therefore, two years later I transferred to Universidade Federal do Espírito Santo – which is the public institution where I live – and that was a terrible mistake. After another two years I realized I have not accomplished many things and now I am retransfering it to a private one. Hopefully I’ll be an engineer in 2017.

Professional life, as one can imagine, went crazy after starting to study engineering. I decided that I don’t want to teach anymore and got a job as a hostess. Payment was better, but that big amount of working hours were driving me crazy. After 7 months and a lot of sincerity my boss decided I should work somewhere else. After a few months of unemployment I finally was asked to waiter on tables during weekends at a very geek bar.

Still I am waiting for the results of a more regular working possibility and I feel pretty anxious. It is terrible to imagine I’ve come so far with so little. I need more. I’m not the kind of person who feels happy not having almost everything I want.

I thought of writing about personal life and relationships, but as the text took form I gave up. After two completely terrible boyfriends, I’ve had no lasting relationships. I still haven’t figured out if it’s been my fault or theirs, so I’ll save everyone time and won’t write about it.

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One thought on “a very small reflection on my adult life

  1. I feel like that most days. Close to 5 years since I graduated from engineering now, and I just feel like I forgot most of what I learned. I don’t really use any of that in my job, so that’s probably the reason, but still I feel like something went missing. Sometimes I feel like all the achievements up to the University days were an uphill climb and when I started my professional life, it was the same as jumping off a metaphoric cliff. Let’s hope we’re wearing our parachutes.

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